So you’ve joined the New Age and given up Sex,
You’ve experienced Sedona and the Great Vortex,
You’ve consulted the Tarot, I Ching and astrology,
You’ve tried almost everything – even modem psychology.
You’ve chanted the mantras from The Book of the Dead,
You’ve sat in the lotus and stood on your head,
You’ve danced Kundalini by the light of the moon,
Your aura is white and your chakras in tune.
You’ve networked with channels from the other side,
You’re buddy-buddy with your own spirit guide,
You’ve regressed to past lives to recall who you were,
You were taught how to breathe at a place called Big Sur.
You’ve jetted to Iowa, the in place to meditate,
But you didn’t not try enough, and you failed to levitate.
You’ve also done sweat lodge one time up at Sundance,
You’ve even tried using an illegal sub-stance.
You’ve been est-ed and Rolfed and reflexed your feet,
You’ve totally given up eating red meat.
You dine on herb teas and foods vegetarian.
It’s your karma to live to be octogenarian.
With aerobics you whip your body to shape.
At night, you flip on the subliminal tape.
You sleep with your crystals, head pointing due north
Amid waves of pure energy wafting e’er forth.
No matter the hardships, you’ve followed your star
As it lighted the way to the next seminar.
There’s so much to learn, and so many places,
Just to make sure you’ve covered all bases.
But after all’s said and done, There is great Truth besides All is One:
Before you go leading the life of a nun,
Remember that life is meant to be fun!
By John Zancanaro